Joie de Vivre

I think that for the most part, I am a patient person.  I try to be really understanding of other people and I work to not judge them for their shortcomings because heaven knows I have my own.  But I am not as patient with things.
For example: waiting for my mission call.
I am preparing to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  For those who aren't aware, these missions last between 18-24 months and are completely voluntary.  Missionaries are not paid.  They spend all day, every day sharing the gospel with the people in the area that they are serving in.  Missionaries don't get to choose where they go.  Instead, they fill out an application or recommendation for service that includes a ton of information, go through ecclesiastical interviews, and once all that is done, the paperwork is sent to church headquarters in Salt Lake City, UT where church leaders are inspired by God as to where the missionary is to serve.
It can be a long process, but my paperwork came together surprisingly quickly, especially since I wasn't sure when I wanted to go on my mission.  Over Christmas break, I was debating about when I should go.  There are a lot of things that I am going to miss by being gone: my oldest sister is expecting their first baby, my younger sister will graduate high school before I get back, and my little brother will be almost old enough to drive.  Not to mention my parents' 25th anniversary, a bunch of birthdays, at least 1 Christmas....
I was trying to justify serving after I finished my Bachelor's program here at BYU.  Because I earned my Associate of Arts degree in high school, I am about 2 years ahead of the average freshman here.  That means I could finish in the same amount of time it will take me to serve an 18-month mission.  And by serving my mission after school, I could ensure that I wouldn't miss so many big life events.  But as I vacillated, I realized that missionary service is time spent serving the Lord, and that is not something that I should put off for personal reasons.
So I started my paperwork, which came together impressively quickly, and within a week I was done with everything but my interviews, both of which went fine.  On January 16th my papers were sent to Salt Lake, and now here I am.
Waiting.
It's the strangest feeling, not knowing where I am going to be spending the next year and a half.  Especially since this is such a huge life decision for me.  But I know that I am supposed to go, and I know that now is the time.  I am so grateful for the chance I have to share the gospel and that I will be able to touch the lives of those who need it most.  I know that wherever I end up is where God needs me, and that my mission call will be here exactly when it is supposed to be.  Being humble enough to accept His will for my life isn't easy, but I am being blessed as I try to do so.

bisous xx

Alright, guys, this is my cliché new year's post.

I am grateful for all that has happened this past year.  2013 was a big year for me as I finished high school and my Associates, moved out and got a job, and started university.  There were a lot of major changes, and a lot of opportunities for me to learn and grow (not saying I did all the *ahem*learning I could have...oops).  I have met some of the most amazing people and I have realized how blessed I am with the relationships I've built throughout my life.  I have made mistakes, and I have been able to fix them.  I have learned to agree to disagree, and to love more unconditionally.

As I look ahead to 2014, I know I will have even more opportunities.  I am completing my mission papers, which means that hopefully sometime mid-February I will know where I am going to be spending 18 months of my life.  I am SO EXCITED!!!! I will also be finishing another wonderful semester at Brigham Young University, aka the Best University Ever.

Here's to a GREAT 2014!!!!

First off, this post is inspired by this Tumblr post and this YouTube video, so check those out before reading.

Done?
Good.
I am a 19-year old female member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  Some call us Mormons.  I am attending Brigham Young University.  And I have a problem with something.

As my first BYU semester comes to a close, I want to share some thoughts with you all.  I took a Sociology class this semester, called Multicultural America.  The curriculum dealt primarily with racism and issues connected to race in the United States, but at the end of the semester we did group presentations, and we got to pick any social issue we wanted to talk about.  One group picked "Gays at BYU", and did what I felt was a wonderful job of showing how as a group, homosexual students at the university have an incredibly hard time feeling loved and accepted, and that we as their peers need to be kinder and more supportive of them.
But.
But.
I have a problem with the way that this issue of accepting homosexuals and reconciling that with the gospel is usually addressed.
Please note that I have many friends who identify as being homosexual, and I don't think any less of them.  They are all wonderful, lovely people who enrich my life as much as any of my other friends do.  But that does in no way mean that I agree with their choices.
AND IT IS A CHOICE.

When God created us as His children, He gave us a plan.  He told us that we would be able to come to earth, gain a body, live a brief mortal experience that would test us, and then if we proved faithful to the things that He asked us to do, we would be able to come home to Him and live an exalted life for the rest of eternity.  The crux of that mortal existence is that we are removed from God's presence and are unable to talk directly with Him.  We must rely on the Holy Spirit, who is the tool that God uses to communicate with us here on earth, the scriptures, which are the inspired written word of God Himself, and the continuing revelation that comes from God's modern prophets in order to know what He would have us do.  We knew before choosing to come to earth that we would be tried and tested, but that with these previously mentioned tools and gifts that we would have all the means necessary to pass those tests and be able to return to Him.  Because we are removed from God, it is easier to make the wrong choice.  God also allows us to be tempted by Satan, who I know is a very real being, and who wants nothing more than for us to not return to our Heavenly Father.  Satan knows all of the things that are weaknesses for us; particular commandments that we naturally have a harder time following and that when we don't follow make it harder for us to be in tune with God, which makes Satan's job easier, and the cycle goes on.  I know that I struggle with not swearing.  That's something that makes it more difficult to feel the Spirit, which means that Satan can use other things that might not be as weak of a spot for me but that aren't as strong when I can't feel the Spirit.

Hopefully you are with me so far.

Switching tracks for a moment, when people talk about LGBT rights, they most often compare them to other social issues like slavery, women's and black rights to vote.  That makes sense; after all, civil rights are civil rights, right?  But I would argue that homosexuality is not a "preexisting condition" the same way being black or being a woman is.  Instead, it is something that God gives us to struggle with in this life, to see which way we will choose to live, and if we resist the temptation, we can return to Him.
I know this might sound a little naive, but hear me out.

As a Mormon, my natural reaction is to say homosexuality is a sin because it is a perversion of the natural feelings God gave us to create families, which are central to His plan for us to be happy (for more on that, see The Family: A Proclamation to the World).  And yes, homosexual couples are not able to have biological children because God didn't design our bodies to procreate that way.  He designed us so that a man needs a woman and a woman needs a man if they are to fulfill the commandment to have children (it is a commandment, by the way).

I think, though, given my experience in this generation and watching people throughout middle and high school who have struggled with sexuality, that we as a society have created a way for the attention not to be focused on our choices, but on something we can't control.  As Lady Gaga would say, "you were born that way."  We have allowed a God-given trial to become a social condition.  How much of a disservice it is to those individuals who seriously struggle with their sexuality to make this the common conception of the trials that they have been given in their lives!  I really wish that we could have a redo on this whole social issue.  I think that as a society we created an excuse for the behavior because we stopped fearing God, and now people should be allowed to do whatever feels right to them.

I do believe that if I am to honestly and whole-heartedly profess to be a Christian (one who follows Jesus Christ), and I do, that I have to try to love everyone as He does.  Christ didn't look down on anyone in disgust because of the choices they made.  Instead, when the harlot was cast at His feet, He told her accusers, "he that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her." (John 8:7)  It is important to realize that we are all imperfect, and that I have no right to judge someone because they choose differently than I do.  I do, however, believe with every fiber of my being that choosing to live a homosexual lifestyle is a choice.  If my God-given trial was that I struggled with alcoholism, let's say, I wouldn't say "oh, well.  God made me this way/my genetics are to blame, so there is nothing I can do but drink my life away." I would try to resist that temptation and make choices that were less physically and spiritually harmful.  I think that in a very real sense, homosexuality is the same way.  If we see it not as a "race" but as a temptation, it will be easier for those who struggle in this respect to overcome that struggle.

Our godless society has made endless escape routes for behavior that is base and immoral.  Homosexuality is one of those behaviors, and I don't think there is any way around that.  However, that does not mean that I believe in any way that we should go around shunning and shaming people for the things they struggle with.  If someone were to spit on me and call me names because I have a hard time not swearing, I would be really offended.  Because in our society sexuality is so much bigger of a deal than everyday language, homosexuality as a trial is seen as a bigger deal.  If we could see this as not a social issue, but a spiritual one, then maybe we would be able to un-hardwire people from thinking that who they are is defined by who they are attracted to.  And maybe that is at the root of the issue.  We as humans put a lot of stock into who we are physically attracted to, and I think it is because those attractions, in the right place and at the right time, can allow us to create something that God holds most precious: us.  The feelings and interactions that allow us to procreate are to be used in the way that God has told us to, because it is one of His powers as our Creator that He has given to us.  When those feelings and attractions lead us into interactions that try to use that power in any other way, it is morally wrong.  But we have also been given the power to choose whether we will use that power in the way that God has asked us to, the same way that we can choose anything else.
If we can start taking responsibility for our choices in general and make that the societal norm, then maybe it won't be too far of a stretch to realize that homosexual feelings don't have to define those who feel them, the
same way that heterosexual feelings don't.

I feel nothing but love and acceptance of those who choose to live a homosexual lifestyle, the same way I choose to love and accept people who choose to steal or who choose to use drugs, all of which are physically and spiritually destructive.  And I hope that this doesn't read as something unkind or bigoted, which is the farthest thing from my intent.  I simply wish to express that while I believe that acting on the feelings of homosexual attraction is a choice, that the impulses behind that choice are ones that God know certain people struggle with, just like any other struggle; He hopes that we can overcome whatever challenges we may face in mortality so that we can keep the guidelines and commandments He has given us, so that we may return to His presence one day.  Because society as a whole does not promote or believe these things, a culture of excusing immoral behavior has arisen and we have come up with some pretty clever biological excuses that cut God out of the picture.  And because of that, those of us who know that God cares for and loves each of us and wants to see us return to Him are put in an awkward position where we have to defend not just the idea that homosexuality is immoral, but one where the entire premise of the situation is incorrect.

For more information about the beliefs of the LDS church and its stance on this issue, please go to http://www.mormonsandgays.org/

Edit: 
There has been some concern that I am not clear about what I mean when I say homosexuality is a sin.  Let me clarify: same-sex attraction is not what I consider to be homosexuality.  Those attractions are very real and very difficult to deal with in today's society, because we are imperfect people who choose to judge others based on their choices (which, by the way, is also not ok).  However, acting on same-sex attraction, what I consider to be homosexuality, is not ok because, as already stated, it defies the natural, procreative power that God has given to His children.  The official church doctrine is that anything that abuses this power, whether it is homosexual relations or premarital sex, is immoral.

Let me be a little more clear for you: no one deserves hate or different treatment regardless of the choices they make.  I cannot stress that enough.  It breaks my heart to see people tearing people down in such vicious ways.  We need to love each other and accept that we can't make choices for each other.  We can, however, choose to disagree with each others choices and make different ones for ourselves.  
And there are other things (tattoos, piercings, divorce, etc.) that shouldn't be as ok as they are in our society because they go against God's commandments.  But like I said in the post, sexuality is a very big deal to our society, and it is also a big deal to God because the fundamental power of intimacy is that of procreation.  That is a divine power that God gave us-the ability to create life.  My stand is that because He gave us this power, there is an enormous responsibility to use it only in the ways that He has said are appropriate: between a man and a woman, legally and lawfully married.  Do some people have messed up marriages that they shouldn't bring kids into? Sure.  Are there unmarried couples who make wonderful parents? Of course.  But we get to make our own choices, and no one is able to perfectly follow all of God's commandments.I hope that this clears up the rest of the post!

I am grateful for my family.
I am grateful to have my sister and brother-in-law so close.
I am grateful that they take care of me when I am sick or need groceries.
I am grateful for a sister with a car who loves Target as much as I do.
I am grateful for parents who support my decisions.
I am grateful that my family taught me how to laugh at myself.
I am grateful for having a priesthood holder in my home all growing up.
I am grateful for the example that my sisters set for me.
I a grateful for the example my dad sets for my little brother.
I am grateful for my grandparents.
I am grateful for my cousins.
I am grateful for my aunts and uncles.
I am grateful that my mom taught me how to cook.
I am grateful that my mom taught me how to do laundry.
I am grateful that my mom taught me how to serve in a calling.
I am grateful that my dad taught me how to serve in a calling.
I am grateful that my dad knew how to fix things.
I am grateful that my dad taught me how to fix things for myself.
I am grateful that I have been able to develop close relationships with each member of my family.

I am grateful for the gospel.
I am grateful for the Atonement.
I am grateful for my church leaders.
I am grateful that God inspires the leaders of His church.
I am grateful for my pioneer heritage.
I am grateful for the lessons I learned in Primary.
I am grateful for the relationships I made because of my membership in the church.
I am grateful for the comfort I gain in knowing my family will be together forever.
I am grateful for temples.
I am grateful for missionaries.
I am grateful for the commandments.
I am grateful for my calling.
I am grateful for Personal Progress and the Young Women's program.
I am grateful for visiting teaching.

I am grateful for my education.
I am grateful for my teachers and all they did to shape me and my goals.
I am grateful for the people I met through going to school.
I am grateful for BYU.
I am grateful for all the things I am learning in class.
I am grateful for all the things I am learning outside of class.
I am grateful for all the opportunities here.
I am grateful for the Honor Code.

I am grateful for my friends.
I am grateful for the friends I made when I was little.
I am grateful for the friendships that have lasted my whole life.
I am grateful for the friends that I made out of necessity.
I am grateful for my friends that stuck with me when I was being a bratty teenager.
I am grateful for the friends I have made recently.
I am grateful for friendships that I know will last the rest of my life.

I am grateful for holidays and the spirit they bring.
I am grateful for cars.
I am grateful for planes.
I am grateful that I get to go home soon!
I am grateful for the life that I have been given.
I am grateful for the chance I have to change the lives of those around me.
I am grateful that I know what I want to do with my life.

I am blessed, and I am so grateful.

If you've ever hung out with me, you'll know that there are some unusual phrases and words in my vocabulary.  Mostly they are normal words that get used in weird ways.  In order to make spending time with me make a little more sense, I have decided to compile a glossary of sorts to the things my friends and I say and the ways that we use them. The pink writing is notes from Gina. The green is Nikki.
In no particular order:

Can't: used to express an inability, usually due to an excessive amount of feelings toward a particular person or thing.  Can't does not need to be accompanied by any other words; the sentiment can be conveyed simply through a single exclamation.  Also used in phrases: "I can't", "I can't even", "I cannot", "I have lost the ability to 'can'". Usually accompanied by throwing self on a couch or floor and/or wrapping self in a blanket and burying one's head. I also think it should be noted that "can't" is typically repeated over and over 'til the amount of done-ness is portrayed. or we appear deranged. whichever comes first.

Same: Used to acknowledge the seemingly random things that happen around my friends and me.  Also shows agreement with a person's statement or vocal sounds.  A single "same" covers a multitude of emotions, from agreeing with another person's feelings to facetiously commenting on life.  Note that the phrase "so much same" shows extra emphasis on the feeling of "same" and can be used as its own statement or to emphatically agree with someone who has already "samed" a statement.  Depending on how much one agrees, or how much mockery is being used, one could also say "the level of sameness is unreal", "the same is impeccable", etc. Also the phrase "literally me" is often used in conjunction with any of these phrases. It is also important to note that entire conversations can be had using variants of phrases that include the word "same". Same.

Struggle or The Struggle: said in exasperation, "struggle" said by the struggling individual means that that person is having a hard time with a particular situation, multiple situations, or life in general.  The Struggle, said by a third-party observer, is used to imply that the individual is having a hard time with something but is trying to hide it, or that a certain task has been attempted multiple times with little to no success.
note: I am a personal victim of the constant struggle... Often falling under the latter category, where I am trying to keep my life together but someone notices that I have dropped my phone seven times in the last six seconds. As a random example. I think it is also important to note that The Ultimate Struggle is the struggle with the male species...but that may or may not be entirely besides the point. The latter is occasionally synonymous with "The Thirst." and trust me, some of our female acquaintances are tragically parched.

Bye: Similar to "can't", "bye" is used to express a lack of ability to handle life.  It is often accompanied by pretending to leave the room or hiding under the nearest thing (ie inside one's shirt, under a blanket, etc.).  Usually used in situations where one's feelings are too much to handle, or in situations that have become particularly awkward, to the point where one is no longer able to stand said situation. "No. Bye." is another common usage of this word, and is in fact much more representative of the actual feelings that we wish to express..however, that one extra syllable is just so much effort. Usually not worth it. 

Can you nOT: used to show disagreement with the words or actions of another person.  Only effective if you put emphasis on the word not.  Best if said in frustration or exasperation.

Thing/the thing/do the thing: a word used to substitute for whatever the conversation deems necessary. Can include any verb or noun.  Using "thing" works best if the other participant in the conversation is already aware of the situation and understands what one means by saying "thing."  Very useful if one is in company in which one does not wish to explicitly state something.  Phrases using "thing" can include "all the things", "do the thing" etc.
note: My friends and I are definitely guilty of overusing this.  It drives our guy friends crazy.  But it is VERY effective. ;) Pretty much the most-used word in our vocabulary. Followed closely by "same". 

Pause: used as an interjection to very specifically create space in a conversation, especially when the conversation is moving fast, as is typical with girls.  This is only acceptable to use when accompanied by Gina's turtle face. Don't judge me. It's not a purposeful facial expression. 

All about that life:  used to express agreement with a statement or situation.  For example, "are we going on that double date this weekend?" "Heck yes! All about that life." *discussion about attractive males* "all about THAT life"
that's a terrible example, sorry. 

Not about that life: similar to "all about that life", this phrase can either show agreement or disagreement with a statement or situation.  If one is told about a negative experience, saying "not about that life" can show that you agree with their view of the situation.  If one does not agree with the statement or situation then saying "not about that life" can show one's perspective. Usually accompanied by an excessive amount of exasperation.*Ugg boots worn with short shorts* "I am NOT about that life. I am not even near that life."

Done: Used frequently with "bye", "done" similarly expresses an inability to cope with the situation or feelings being felt.  Often said in phrases such as "nopebyedonebye", "Done" is usually accompanied by throwing oneself under the nearest object (ie blanket, inside shirt, on the floor). I feel it important to note that often the usage of these words (done, bye, no bye etc.) actually has a positive connotation...as in "spoke to cute guy today...no bye. done." 

Other frequently used words: all, so much, not, no Pretty much all of these words are used in conjunction with any and all of the other phrases that we use on the daily. Just consider overly dramatic words and you can bet your sweet patooty we use them.

On the Daily: mostly Nicole uses this because I say Always instead... and I get judged for my pronunciation..but I feel like it is worth including. 

Words used facetiously: Sweg (similar to the commonly used "swag", used as a way of saying neat, cool, great, etc); YOLANDA (similar to the popular "YOLO", but not acutally an acronym. ((LIAR it is actually an acronym. You Only Live And Never Die, Actually.))  YOLANDA is a way to say YOLO while poking fun at those who use YOLO seriously) Actually we came up with an acronym, but I don't remember what it is so I'll just let Nikki tell you what it is. 



I hope that this was educational for you, because it was a lot of fun to write :)

Have a great week, everyone!

xx bisous

It's everyone's favorite time of the week again! AWKWARD AND AWESOME THURSAY!

So this is another post idea that I stole from my sister Jessica, and I loved reading the little synopsis of the things she was doing every week.  So, here we go!
AWKWARD AND AWESOME WEDNESDAY!!!!

Awkward:
- using my backside to squish a brownie into the couch of our apartment
- falling off of my bed while skyping a friend back home, and subsequently skinning my knee and elbow really bad
- sleeping through my presidency meeting on Sunday
- sleeping through history of psychology on Tuesday

Awesome:
- going to the Provo Rehab center to sing to some of the residents as a relief society activity
- going to the Stadium Farmers Market
- BYU crushes page on facebook.  It's my favorite thing right now.
- Sherlock binge marathon with some new friends! (I am converting them to the show.
- carving pumpkins at one of our ward's adult leaders' homes.  It was lovely to be in a real home with a real family, and their family was adorable.  Thanks, Brother and Sister Hawkins!!
- meeting the love of my life (in a very real, best-friends kinda way)
Serious though.  This girl, Nikki Johnson.  She and I are the same person and I love it :) her apartment has started their own blog, which I recommend every one go read because I'm totally obsessed with it.

Also! My roommates and I finally started our own blog (which I have great aspirations for), that you can check out here.

Have a great week!!

xx bisous